Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Child Sexual Abuse

Every other day we get to hear a news something like a kid hardly of age 4 or 5 got raped. What we do is watch/hear the news, condemn the incident, abuse the monster, say a few words for the victim (who hardly survives) and move on. Kids at that age are too young to understand what actually is happening/happened with them nor are they strong enough to defend themselves. The only thing parents can do is protect them from anybody and everybody.

The question is what is sexual abuse? When an adult or an older adolescent uses a child in any way for sexual stimulation it comes in sexual abuse. This can happen in many ways. When an adult touches any of kid’s body parts it comes in sexual abuse. Indecent exposure of the genitals to the kid is a form of sexual abuse too. If an older person makes the kid watch any sort of pornography, that also comes in sexual abuse. Actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child's genitals (except in certain non-sexual contexts such as a medical exam), viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact (except in nonsexual contexts such as a medical exams), or using a child to produce child pornography, it all comes in sexual abuse.

Do not be shy when educating your kid. Sit with him. Tell him what is sexual abuse. Give him all the confidence. Don’t always teach him how to be well mannered around his elders. Educate him how to move away from a person who doesn't make him comfortable. A kid always gets to know when he is touched in a bad way but he wont necessarily talk about it. If he comes to you and tells you anybody does it, don’t just accuse him of making up stories. don’t ever say to a kid ’that’ particular person cant ever do it. This will make your child more confused. Listen to him and take him into confidence. If you stop him from telling it to you once, he will never come back to tell you again. If a child does that, the abuser will get worst and you never know what can the result be.

There are many misconceptions about sexual harassment. We think only girls are the victims of sexual harassment. It happens many times that little boys are the ones abused. Don’t just protect your girls, protect the boys too. Its not just that men are the abusers, women do it too. Never think that there is a particular person who cant ever do it, anybody and everybody can be a child molester. If you think any of your close family relative or old family domestic servant cant do it, you are badly mistaken. Never trust anybody when it comes to your own children.

Many parents these days just provide modern facilities to their kids. A mobile or unlimited internet can also result in sexual harassment. It happens that the kids are sexually abused virtually too. If you are too ‘cool’ and too desperate to give all these things to your child before time, educate him first. A very nice article by Rabab Khan about educating kids based on a very casual incident happened a few days is here. Read it yourself and make your kids read it too.

When a child is sexually molested, don’t just think he will get over it with time. Forgetting incidents like these is more than impossible. It leaves a lifetime mark on a child’s personality. It happens many times that a childhood sex abuse victim becomes a future abuser. No matter how close the abuser is to you, never justify him. Always explain it to the kid what happened to him was wrong, the child never deserved it. The insecurity that takes birth in the child after the incident never dies. If you yourself cant do it, get some professional help to bring back the child to normalcy. Time does not heal every wound, some need serious attention too.

You can not protect your child all the time. As he grows up he has to go to school, has to go out to play with kids, or at times has to go to the market etc. Children who are old enough to understand things should be made aware. If parents can discuss family politics and can make them a part of it, they should be comfortable enough to talk to their kids about how they can become a victim so easily. He should know what he can possibly face once he gets out of the house. Don’t just protect your kids physically, mentally and morally; educate them too.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What do we prepare ourselves for: Marriage or a Wedding??

Pretty dresses, mehandi, jewelry, invitation cards, houses lit in and out and decorated with different kinds of flowers. Yes! You guessed it right. The wedding season is on. We see many people getting happily married around us these days. The above mentioned things and more are apparently the most important components of a wedding.
It all starts with the selection of the perfect spouse. The society we live in, it’s mostly that the parents select the ‘better half’ for their kids. Even if a girl or a boy chooses himself/herself the perfect spouse, they still mostly have to go for their parents’ consent. The selection process is totally different for both genders. While selecting the perfect partner, parents and the kids themselves generally do not look at the personality or the character, but go for the evident material things.
Media or the occasional real life stories have made both the genders so bitter against each other and the in laws that they can hardly expect any good from each other. Guys always think, before or after the marriage that his in laws are against his family and him. He always has it in his mind that the bride and her family are conspiring against him in some way or the other. Most of the guys think women marry for money and will remain married till the guy has it. But the fact is most of the women in our society marry men with nothing, help them gain something and remain with them till they have everything.
It’s not just the guys that have this misconception about the girls or their families; it’s the girls too. The daily soaps are very much penetrating in our daily lives and are poisoning them in many ways. The girls before marriage at times have this in mind built in that her in laws are or will be against her. They don’t like her and will make every effort to separate her from her husband. If we think of it logically, why will they when they themselves selected her (in most cases) and made her their daughter in law? It’s quite understandable that it’s tougher for a girl to adjust in when compared to the guy, but thinking like that makes it tougher for her. If she takes her mother/father in law as her mother/father and sisters/ brothers in law as her own siblings, it’s her who will be the most comfortable in the situation. Helping in daily chores or doing all of it themselves is not that difficult. We see it many times that the girls do a lot more in their own houses but complain about doing it when living with their in-laws.
We all mostly expect it from the girl that she should be the one compromising in all situations. If she has to take her in laws as her own family, she should be given the love and respect she deserves living in her own family. It is rationally impossible for anybody to accept strangers like that without them being kind to her. The guy’s family should accept the girl as their own family member. We mostly see a war like situation between the wife and the mother of men. I again call it a star plus effect. The mother should realize that she brought her son somebody who left everything for him should be given proper space. Same has to be understood by the girl, mother is the one who brought the guy up and they both can’t be should not be split apart. Many times its men to be blamed for it. They are the ones who lose the balance which causes a conflict.
The girl does not have to go and tell everything to her family. She should own the family she gets married in to. Their disrespect should be a disgrace for her too. It happens that the girls take every matter to her parents; unnecessary interference of the girls’ family in the issues causes many problems. Woman should be able to handle little issues themselves without asking their mothers for a suitable situation. But of course, if it really is unbearable for the girl to stay there, if she is treated badly or abused etc., she should never stay quiet about it.
Marriage is the most significant institution in a person’s life. It’s on the marriage’s base that the new relationships are built. Respect for everybody involved is the key point to its success. Accept everybody whole heartedly. Look beyond material things. Don’t just prepare yourself for the wedding, do it for the marriage. Wedding lasts for a day or two, marriage goes on for forever (in most cases). Why not make it a happy and content one?


Monday, January 3, 2011

Chocolate Mousse


Milk: 1 liter

Corn flour: 3-4 tbsp.

Milk powder: 10-12 tbsp.

Coco powder: 2-2 ½ tbsp.

Sugar: according to taste

Rainbow milk (evaporated milk used in tea): 1 small tin

Swiss cake roll (preferably chocolate): 2 large packs

Flake chocolate: 3-4

Chocolate syrup: depends on how much you like

Cream: 1 tin/pack

How to make it:

Heat milk in a pan and add sugar in it.

Mix coco powder and corn flour in water (make a thick paste)

Mix milk powder in rainbow milk. Put some water if it remains thick. (Make a thick paste)

Put the 1st mixture in milk and keep stirring while pouring in the mixture.

Put the 2nd mixture in milk and keep stirring so that it doesn’t settle down in the pan.

Keep the heat low and keep stirring gently so that the mixture gets thick.

Stop stirring when the mixture gets thick.

Allow it to cool down for 10-15 minutes.

Cut the Swiss roll in small slices.

Spread the layer of Swiss roll in a bowl.

Put chocolate syrup on the layer.

Pour the mixture in the bowl.

Put it in the freezer to settle down for 10-15 minutes.

Spread a layer of cream and chocolate syrup, mix both of them.

Crush flakes chocolate and spread it on top.